I recently posted a blog about the next trip I will be going on, but even as I was writing it, I felt unsatisfied with it. I felt disingenuous. I didn’t say anything that was not true, but I didn’t share how I was actually feeling about all of it. Secretly I was doubting a lot of things about this trip. Not with God or with adventures in missions, but with me.
Something that was made clear to me early on about this trip is that it would be very evangelism heavy. Evangelism is something that really stretched me on my race. I really grew in it, but I also realized my skillset and heart was really placed in other things. I love discipleship, I love seeing people discover God’s character as they grow in relationship with Him, and I love providing for their physical or emotional needs. I love being there for my friends when they are sharing their faith, encouraging them when fear is trying to overwhelm, interceding for the conversations they are having, and listening for input from the Lord. My heart for these things is not a bad thing, and in my mind I know that the church needs people like me. But especially when facing a trip like this one, I find myself wondering if I am enough.
Wondering if you are enough for something does not bode well when you also need to be fundraising. As you can see in my fundraising bar above I need just under $9,000 for this trip. While that is large amount of money, my worries about fundraising weren’t if I would be able to raise it all, but if I should raise it all. I didn’t know how to ask people to support and believe in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. When I was focusing on fundraising, I was focusing so much on strategies for me to be effective – relying on myself and not the Lord.
Recently I spent a lot of time in prayer and meditation with God talking about all of this. I realized that I was fixing my eyes upon myself, and not Jesus. When my eyes were fixed on myself, I could only see my imperfections, how I didn’t measure up, and how much I would have to strive to achieve. Then, when I fixed my eyes to Jesus, that all fell away. I wasn’t worried that my gifts wouldn’t be suited to this trip, I knew that He had a plan for me wherever I would go. Fundraising wasn’t something I felt ashamed of anymore, and I remembered it was about inviting others to invest in God’s kingdom.
God placed the desire in my heart my senior year of high school to see how He moves mountains in areas of the world where He is not accepted, and I’m so thankful for this opportunity. I’m growing in confidence and hope for my role on this trip as I keep my eyes fixed on Him. And I am now excited to really share this story with you all. I’m planning on sending out a newsletter when I’m on the field so that I can share all that I am doing safely so please reach out to me if you would like to be apart of that! Please keep my whole squad in your prayers as we all prepare for this trip, specifically that God sends people in our paths for us to serve and for our safety. Finally, if you do fell led to do so, please donate using the tab above where you can either donate online or get instructions for donating through mail.
Thank you all for your investment and support in all that God is doing in and through me.
This is so beautiful and authentic, Emily! Thank you for sharing! Miss you!
the way you seek to preserve genuiness is truly so beautiful. proud of you for the continual yes & continual leaning in. a steadfast woman right here.
i relate to this a lot, emily! i appreciate so much your walk in obedience to share this with others. i’m so thankful for you!
Emily, your authenticity is so rich. I so appreciate your honesty and rawness. You are a gift in every way. He will be a gift and evangelism to the squad into the nations you serve! Shaun and I love you very much!
Been praying for you daily Emily and all going in this mission. Can you please add me to your newsletter! So excited for you!